Month of Gratitude Email Series November 2020

Gratitude for the Simple Things
Elizabeth Lawyer Tomten ’82

In these strange times, a lot of us have had our lives turned upside down. My family, like many others, has been touched by sorrow and challenges since last spring. But we are moving forward and recognizing little gifts in our everyday lives.

I am personally grateful for simple pleasures I’ve rediscovered while staying socially distanced. Better yet, these simple pleasures are free or inexpensive. I am grateful for these small things that have helped me find peace and quiet joy during these months:

Visiting and playing online games with friends and family. Since we’re not going out, it’s been fun to make plans to meet and play online games with our adult children. My CSB sisters and I have also enjoyed reconnecting in this humble way.
Walking and exploring neighborhoods and trails in my own town. It’s amazing how much more time there is for walking when a person is not going anywhere else! How fun it’s been to discover new-to-me neighborhoods, little parks and quiet trails in my own town.
Reading and listening to audiobooks. Most of us don’t read enough anyway, right? There’s nothing stopping us from making the effort while quarantining. And there are other bonuses:
- A person can borrow books and/or upload audiobooks for free! Are public libraries amazing or what?
- People can listen to audiobooks while walking or working out. Sometimes I’m not sure which activity I’m looking forward to more!
- You can join the CSB Alumnae Book Club and find a diverse and fascinating list of books. Whether you participate in the discussions or not, the book choices do not disappoint.
Gardening. I’m not especially good at it, but I am continually amazed by the miraculous transformation of a tiny seed into a productive plant. And being in the garden can accomplish so much: I can take out my aggression on invasive weeds, channel creativity by landscaping, and enjoy meals that include homegrown produce.
Being kind. In my 36 years as a middle school teacher, I have found that it takes very little effort to make someone’s day. A smile and greeting to a fellow pedestrian, a “please” and “thank you” to a barista, or a small compliment to a coworker cost nothing. Making people happy feels good, doesn’t it? And it’s not hard to do.

Sure, 2020 has been a challenging year, but I am grateful that I can slow down and rediscover so many of life’s simple pleasures. In the words of author Robert Brault, “Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.”

Gratitude for Home
Nicole Koonce ’16

This year everyone has been spending a lot more time at home than we could have anticipated. From cancelled trips to closed restaurants, our typical forms of escape have been limited. This has made home feel less like a safe place and more like the only safe place – a burden it may not have been designed to handle.

So how can we grow our appreciation for the same walls that stare back at us, day after day? For those of us working from home, how can we stay grateful for that dining room table that is simultaneously an office, classroom, fancy cafe, family meeting space and every other type of space we’ve needed it to become in this new lifestyle?

The easiest place to start is by being grateful to have a home in the first place – a spot you belong, where you can feel safe from all the world is offering us in 2020.

After that, notice the smallest quirks that make the space your own. That ugly teapot your mom gave you for Christmas years ago. The oil stains on the tablecloth. The way that third step from the top creaks on the left side. Make a list, on paper or in your mind, of all these things that add up to make your place a home. We all know from our Benedictine tradition that to have a shelter makes us feel safe. But to have a home? That makes us belong.

Gratitude for the Everyday
Renotta Baxter Stainbrook ’77

As a two-time cancer survivor (definitely something I am grateful for) my response at the time of these crises was to refocus/reflect on what was really important in life, appreciate life and live with more awareness of ultimate priorities. These changes I experienced are common responses when we face a crisis.

I recently read something that, while not written in response to the impact of COVID, I found it captured my own beliefs about our response to crises like this pandemic. It also addressed how and why we can be grateful for challenges/hard times like we are currently experiencing.

How often has someone asked you “What’s new?” or “What have you been up to?” and your response has been some variation of “Just the usual” or “Same old, same old”? Paraphrasing the words of a local priest: It is a cliche to prod ourselves into appreciating each moment of life as though it were our last. But think about how much goes unnoticed because we expect it will be there again and again. The routine of daily life can lull us into laziness and inattentiveness. Challenges like COVID-19 open our eyes so we can “drink in the sweetness of even normal days.” It is up to us to see “same old, same old” as a treasure.

Gratitude for Silence
Bree Auringer Allen ’10

I remember the silence experienced on the trail to the Stella Maris Chapel and the quiet of early bus rides on the Link to SJU. My brain felt uncluttered … only worried about an upcoming deadline or my weekend plans. Fast forward several years and somehow silence, both physically and mentally, has come to feel unproductive – uncomfortable at times.

Why does silence have a negative connotation? Mental and physical noise is hurting our minds, creating mostly busyness, not productivity.

During these last few months, instead of filling silence, I have been working to cultivate gratitude for the stillness. Our bodies need calm, quiet moments. Mozart said, “the music is not in the notes, but in the silence between.” Without silence, notes would be a jumble of noise. Silent moments tap into a different part of the nervous system that helps shut down our bodies’ physical response to stress. Being still can lower blood pressure, release tension and increase focus.

It’s time we sit with the occasional discomfort brought by silence. Maybe that means taking a lunch break sans device or walking and listening to the natural noises instead of music. It also means finding ways to quiet the inner noise as well as outer. Even though the world is getting louder, silence is still accessible; it just takes a little effort and creativity to cultivate it.

Gratitude for the Sisters of Saint Benedict
Elizabeth Lawyer Tomten ’82

As we alumnae know, Saint Ben’s is a special place that offers women support and possibilities. When I was a student, I was involved in publications and volunteered with VISTO. Friends cantored at liturgies, organized exercise classes and led retreats. It seemed that for every area of interest, there was permission – and encouragement – to grow confidence in one’s abilities. This shouldn’t have come as a surprise to anyone, as we lived among the most incredible female role models one could imagine: the Sisters of the Order of Saint Benedict.

Since settling in their current location in 1863, this community has been getting things done. As hardy pioneer women in the young state of Minnesota, they built schools and health care facilities. Their order grew, eventually establishing more missions beyond state borders. Guided by their commitment to prayer, education, land stewardship, caring for the sick, and social justice, the sisters continue to humbly model lives full of curiosity and action. To this day, they inspire and encourage the young women on campus to do the same.

Arriving at Saint Ben’s as an 18-year-old student, I was struck by the way the sisters celebrated one another’s abilities. One of the sisters was a skilled photographer; another sister was an avid gardener. Whether she had talent in music, domestic arts, or medical knowledge, each one of them contributed something of value to the community. At the time I was a CSB student, my “Sisters Across Campus” friend, S. Geneva Goering, was very proud of the fact that it was her job to fill the sugar bowls in the monastery dining room. When I met her, she was 88 years old, and she took her job seriously. As she once told me, “We should do what we can do.”

The sisters of the Order of Saint Benedict have devoted their lives to doing “what they can do.” We observed this firsthand as students. It is a comfort to know that we alumnae still have the support of these amazing women, even as we are out “in the real world.” We are uniquely fortunate to be women who came of age surrounded by strong and capable nurturers who believed in us (and still do). CSB alumnae are grateful for the sisters of the Order of Saint Benedict.

Gratitude for Finding Self in Solitude
Jill Dykstra Swiven ’86

This past year has been filled with countless unknowns. Will I or a loved one become sick? How long will the quarantine last? How will we adjust to slowing down and not interacting face-to-face with people? For many, one of the greatest challenges was to quiet their minds while they were forced to socially distance and stay home. This has been extremely stressful and, for many, the isolation has been difficult.

But one of the true blessings during quarantine has been the opportunity to intentionally practice our faith and fill the solitude of our homes with prayer and thoughtful contemplation. With busy families, demanding professional expectations and the technology-filled “daily grind” of our lives, this forced slow-down can be looked at as a blessing. I oftentimes look to Thomas Merton for inspiration, perspective and a way to contemplate important milestones in life. The quote below comes from the book by Merton, “Thoughts on Solitude”. It can be used to both look back on the past months and also contemplate our future. How will you use times of solitude to get close to God? How is solitude a blessing in your life?

As Merton says: “My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.”

Gratitude for Fear
Nicole Koonce ’16

If there is one thing we will all be experts on in 2021 it is coping with various levels of generalized concern ranging from unease to straight-up panic. And you may not feel like you are coping with any of it particularly well, but the fact that you are sitting here today, reading this reflection, indicates you are definitely still pushing forward and fighting the good fight.

But might there be something more to gain from the fear we feel about so many things this year? Sure, new skills are always nice, but this season offers us a chance to also look to our fears with gratitude, for the things they inspire us to do. Fear is one of our great motivators, after all. When we enter a grocery store in the time of COVID-19, we may feel tense, nervous and more aware of all that could occur behind those sliding glass doors. But that fear is making us more efficient at navigating the world. We are spending more time being considerate of those around us, maintaining distance, wearing masks, keeping interactions brief and respectful, while also trying to make people smile (even if we can’t see them!).

During this pandemic, our fear has helped us to be more mindful of our surroundings. And in that lie a thousand opportunities for gratitude.

Gratitude for Wholeness
Bree Auringer Allen ’10

The coronavirus pandemic has stirred in us a variety of emotions and feelings, some not so comfortable and many frankly unpleasant. I used to believe that some of my emotions and feelings were inherently bad (anger, fear, grief) and others good (happiness, love, joy). My perception changed when I was reminded that we, as humans, are supposed to feel a range of emotions and feelings. They are not good or bad; they are all part of our experience.

I recently received a piece of advice that will stick with me – instead of fighting emotions and feelings (especially stress and anxiety), thank my body. It is doing its job to keep me alive. It sees stress and responds with fight or flight hormones that evolutionarily have helped keep humans alive. Having gratitude for my feelings and emotions can have wonderful benefits. It can help control reactions to negative events and help us cope with stress. For me, simply acknowledging and accepting those less-than-pleasant feelings removes additional unwanted stressors.

Let us make the choice to accept wholeness with gratitude, even when it feels like everything is falling apart. Our brains and bodies will thank us.